The yellow project

The idea of self portraiture has been quite difficult for me over the past few months. I’ve been slowly working through some mental blocks with showing my body through my work and coming to terms with it ever changing. I spoke about this back in 2020 and I knew I had to take the time to work on this without the world seeing so that I wasn’t being performative with my views. I wanted to really believe that I was OK the way that I am and that it’s OK to change. I knew this deep down but with the noise from others it became a challenge.

I received some hurtful comments over on my TikTok about my art and body again last year. Hence why I had to take myself away to work on overcoming the insecurites I had with myself. It felt like the comments approved my insecurities and that all the hateful things I thought about myself were true. It’s only now I realise how wrong I was to let those comments cut me so deep.

For the past few months, although I’ve been slowly working on the yellow project, I started to avoid the idea of self portraiture because I didn’t want to put myself back in that vulnerable position. It’s hard when you put so much of yourself into these to not let it affect you.

A couple of weeks ago I had a long conversation with Jack about desperately wanting to create properly again, like I used to. It made me realise how much I had been missing out on. How much I’d let the opinions of others dictate my creative process and outlet. Since then I’ve picked up my camera, put on my creative hat and finally started to accept myself again.

During the times where I’ve felt so out of control about my self worth, the act of building these projects has been a constant. It’s shown me that I can’t let those who don’t understand me, take away the art that I love doing the most.

The Yellow Project started out on a different path, but as I’ve been working on it I’ve evolved into a new space of empowerment. This is MY outlet, this is MY way of living, and that is more than OK. 💛